alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize