I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
