did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
