No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
