Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
