I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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