you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
