when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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