Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
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