Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
