I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
