I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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