I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
