I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
