He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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