i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
