i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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