party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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