Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize