That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
