my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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