Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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