Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
