Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
