You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
zippers are such a cool invention
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
two words: eviction party
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
