I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize