We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we're making bets on your personal life
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You are a genius and a whore.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
