those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
