I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize