I didn't shave. On purpose
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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