the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
