But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
