it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
