Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
