is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
