Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
