I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize