So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
