he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
