need another drink. this is the easiest way
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize