Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
