So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
