you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
