Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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