I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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