You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
