"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
