and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
