My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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