dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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