I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
