Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
