i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
