Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
