yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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