if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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