So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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