i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
