I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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