why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
