Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
