The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
