OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
