My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
