You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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