its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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