I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
why is half of my head shaved?
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