so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
