a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
