We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
