I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish my penis had an off switch
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
