They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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