We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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