Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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