I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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