You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
