i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
