I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
