You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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