If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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