Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
