Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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