She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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