Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize