There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
