Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize