i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
