Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
where am i from again
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
