Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
