I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
