just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
