Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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