We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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