Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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