respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
