I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
