I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The air taste purple.
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