just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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