Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
