I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
