You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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