i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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