Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
