i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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