forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
