he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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