A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
