Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
