Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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