Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
