I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
