i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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