dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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