I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
