he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
