I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well I just put wine in my tea
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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