onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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