You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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