I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
