i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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