she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
