dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
