so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize