Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
