we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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