he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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