We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
