when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
