I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
