I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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