new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
