Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
