I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
