The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
