i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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