Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I cockslap morals
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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